Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
