You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
