how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
