I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
