One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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