Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
