Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
