Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
