Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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