Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You are the jesus of drinking
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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