Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
