omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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