My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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