U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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