It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
