like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
