I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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