I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
