Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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