perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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