I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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