Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He passed out mid-signature
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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