your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Are my feet made of real feet?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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