We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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