I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Houston, we have a squirter
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
