zippers are such a cool invention
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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