after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
