he thought i was a dude.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
