anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
