apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
