took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize