He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
