i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize