Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
