Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
