You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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