today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
