Will you blow on my dice?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
