did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We need to get me chipped asap
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize