Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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