dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have demons in me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
