were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So many bounce houses so little time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
