good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
