alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
