come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
