just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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