we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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