ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
nutella sex= disaster
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
