he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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