hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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