Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
