Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's always time for handjobs
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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