Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
