he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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