with your own penis?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
