so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
