P.S. I can't hear my feet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
