Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
