well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
