You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
