hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
