Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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