just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
