So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just puked most of my soul out..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
