Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
