Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
