Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
