In the future we'll all be gay
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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