I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
