My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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