Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
